My maternal grandma suffered a stroke in the last days, leaving the left side of her body paralyzed. To add to that, her abdominals are also bleeding internally. I took some time off yesterday during lunch to drop by the hosipital to see her. She looked ok but the signs of paralysis were apparent. Her left arm was completely motionless and her facial muscles on the left side of the face were immobile and lifeless. Speech was slurred and unclear. She looked all shrivelled up inside that small body. For me it was not a good sight. Doctors also said her condition was critical and that we would have to prepare for the worst. She had just had 2 pints of blood transfused as her urine had turned brown from oxidized blood.
I was depressed and saddened.
Many things ran through my mind, one of which was the ”long feud” that my grandparents had with my dad and my dad’s side of the family.
Over 30 years ago, when my parents got married, my grandparents (maternal side) had commented that their marriage was like putting a fresh beautiful flower in a pile of cow dung, the flower being mom and the crap being dad. What I know was that these sentiments were passed round even on the wedding day itself. Then to add insult to injury, grand dad (maternal side) yelled at my dad on the wedding day itself over little non-issues. In view of these, I could imagine the humiliation and hurt my dad felt.
My parents had their wedding in 2 places, 1 in Singapore with mom’s side of the family and the other in Malaysia back in dad’s hometown. The weddigng in Singapore happened first. So you can imagine, in view of this hurt and frustration, dad, specifically asked all the people on his side of the family to treat mom’s side of the family let’s just say in a “not so nice” way.
Since then, throughout my childhood, I’ve repeatedly heard both sides from grandparents and from my parents uptill the time I graduated from the university. It was a like a broken tape recorder that kept playing itself over and over. Like an unforgiven grudge.
Since then, dad has never really integrated himself with the rest of the family and have kept our relatives on both sides far and separate from one another. To him, the only family he had in Singapore were mom and myself.
Seeing grandma in this state, I wanted so much for them to be reconciled, to forgive each other and for bonds to be renewed. i think grandparents and dad have both borne the burden of this grudge and unforgiveness long enough and that it was time to let go. I just felt so sad, yet within me, I felt that I had to do something and that I could do something about it before grandma went away (if she did).
I can’t imagine living under 30+ years of unforgiveness, of being a slave to such a feud. I think I’ve been a victim of it as well, in addition to my parents and grandparents. My only hope was that their prides would have worn out by now and that they’d both be willing to take the first step towards reconciliation, letting go of their rights to be angry and to just forgive. Just as we have been forgiven by Him.
My prayer now would be that if such an opportunity arose, that I’d have the courage to step up to help them, in accordance with His will.
I hate crying…….it’s tiring….
